Lessons From Conan
by warmsundae
Summary: spoiler alert. Conan's this cocky famous teenage detective (originally not named Conan) that turned into this little kid that lives in his girlfriend's house... and yeah, he's got some tips to give.
1. pretending to be a kid

when pretending to be a little kid (because an evil organisation shrunk you), lessons from Conan:

you accidentally slip knowledge that a kid shouldn't know.  
"I saw it on TV"  
if that excuse gets too old, then  
"I saw it on a movie"

when someone talks about your crush, your love life, or your girlfriend in which love is involved  
"girls have cooties."

if you are a different gender, then just swap 'girl' with 'boy'.  
if you decided to tell your girlfriend the truth about you being shrunk and turned into a little kid,  
but you decide against it at the last second that you don't want to,  
"I am [Kamen Yaiba]!" _insert secret-identity superhero of choice  
_she'll take it as a kid-joke and never think of you as a teenage kid ever again

if you're worried about anyone figuring out your secret identity as a teenager  
then make sure you always speak in squeaky-high tones and say a lot of things like "what would I know? I'm only seven!"  
If someone still starts to get suspicious of you, then break them the truth - because then they're smart enough to help you.

**ahem: I do not own the Detective Conan manga and anime. All of the text written on forth on this story is based on the anime/manga, but it is not official.**


	2. being a good detective

when you're a kid, it's hard to be a detective - much less being taken seriously, lessons from Conan:

notice things that other's don't.  
say them not too obviously but not too vague that it's hard to tell for the thick-headed adults (*cough* Mori)  
for example: "Ah le le, what is drop of water doing beside the victim?"  
they'll all take you as a bright well-noticing boy.

and not a teenage detective that they all used to know.

forming the whole crime story might be easy for a well-known teenage detective...  
but not for the thick headed adult.  
so unless you want to be frustrated and Mouri - er, thick-headed adult - messes up and sends the wrong person to jail  
this is the way to go.

because of course you'll have an inventor friend that happens to be able to create anything.

1\. shoot a stupid detective with a sleeping dart. (if there's no stupid detective, choose the smartest person in the room. if no one's smart, use a girl like Sonoko who will probably take it for pride.)  
if you choose a smart detective, then the detective will eventually figure out your identity - so don't do it.  
2\. hide behind the victim, or right in front of him.  
3\. use your voice-changing bowtie (whaddaya mean you don't have one? every detective-turned-child has one these days) and tell the truth

some people might think their form of detective-ing is similar to that teenage detective's style of work, but it doesn't matter - everything's a coincidence anyway.

if you can, have in handy another teenage detective.  
you know, because there are teenage detectives everywhere these days...  
***sigh* I used that joke already. It wasn't even funny.**

**see, this is the part where**

**uh**

**I start to run out of ideas**

**so what else might you want to learn from Conan?**

**aka**

**me.**

**pretending to be**

**Conan.**


	3. to catch a thief

**LLL (guest reviewer) gave this idea**

**so**

**yeah, thanks :D**

when that nasty thief gets away with yet another jewel in hand, lessons from Conan:

actually there are those thieves who  
pick pockets and do petty things like that  
and those thieves who set up a heist and have crowds of adoring fans...

but when criminals start running  
then you should start running

running is the golden rule.

but of course, you should use that super speedy skateboard that your inhumanely talented inventor friend (what's that? you don't have one?) made and go corner that dude.

Of course, there's all those  
formulating plans and cornering people  
but that's just the afterthought

just run.

Kaito Kid's a different problem, isn't he  
mhmm  
_everyone loves him_

think about your setting:  
Kid has thousands of fans, if not hundreds of police surrounding him  
and he's a master of disguise

see where I'm getting at?

also, this is a tip:

the police are stupid to begin with. they read the heist note incorrectly. they have thousands of guards surrounding the place and they put traps that can be unlocked. my gods, when will you learn?

speaking of the heist note  
Kid's a clever thief  
and he doth not lie

he speaks through code.

you better learn detective code or you aren't going to get anywhere  
but it's easy enough.

clues about the heist note:  
information about date  
information about place  
information about gem  
a joke  
a kid signature drawing

**you know, Kid always gets away**

**because 1. the police are stupid**

**and 2. the police is stupid**

**shouldn't they check for fingerprints or handwriting-matching or anything on the card?**

**or look for hints like the hair, that smart detective Hakuba**

**but anyway**

**thank you for reading**


	4. gather a group

because life will become lonely without your crowding fangirls at your feet and girlfriend by your side to smack you in the head once in a while - lessons from Conan:

think about who you need:  
a girl  
a smarter girl  
a boy  
a smarter boy  
you.

because really, five people is enough  
you want to stay inconspicuous  
don't ask me what that word means, there's a dictionary over there

by the way  
you should really make up a team name  
like  
Detective Kids  
because you _want _to solve cases  
after all, that's the only way to get to the organization  
... inconspicuously

the smarter girl can wait  
you only need that cute innocent girl for now  
the cute innocent girl that happens to like you  
because  
why not, Aoyama?

**for the nubs out there that don't know who the genius called Gosho Aoyama is**

**grow up**

**search the web.**


	5. dealing with shrunken victims

**and yet another guest reviewer (Detective Cat)**

**\- thank you -**

**has given me a suggestion:**

Because one day you'll come across someone who happened to be shrunk by the same orgnanization like you, lessons from Conan.

Don't worry and believe everything s/he says  
because  
they won't lie to a fellow victim of the shrinking poison

also

the person who got shrunk by the big bad organization  
probably knows stuff.  
s/he will make a good ally.

take good research about her/him.  
how old were they?  
what job did they have?  
what relations do they have to the organization?

also

they're always a good guy.

have no trouble in worrying that someone will recognize him/her.

**hmm.**

**I'm taking reviews for a living.**


	6. dealing with girlfriends

we've all got that saintly girl/boyfriend that keeps us happy and worried, lessons from Conan:

call her every now and then  
love runs on meeting each other  
and communicating  
so just

call her.

spout out some rumor about why you can't be there  
something like  
"sorry, got this big case"

and _always _make relations to real life  
it's not like she's going to understand them anyway  
real life: tired because chasing after criminal  
calling your girlfriend: "I'm tired because I was chasing a criminal."

if your girlfriend has finally decided to look for you

freaking

run for your life.

also, you _definitely _shouldn't tell her that you got shrunk by an evil organization  
you know why?  
because then the organization will find out  
somehow  
and kill her before killing you, too

cause that's totally probable.

**so really**

**I shouldn't be...**

**be talking about love**

**because uh**

**...**

**forever alone, I guess. c:**


	7. managing the black organization

**well well well, LLL.**

**you see -**

**that was a joke -**

**yeah, you laughed. I can see that.**

**thank you, once again, for another review and suggestion.**

alright.

so you've finally gotten to your senses and pulled yourself away from secretly solving cases enough to sit down and  
think  
about the shrinking - black - organization?

it'll be easy. there's only one thing you need to know.

the magic words are:  
Porsche 356A.

Even if you know nothing about cars, just keep an eye on a black Porsche  
with the plate number "356A"

now you can skip the rest of this guide because that'll be the words to live by.

and if you're still around  
well  
here are some clues

codenames.  
their codenames are probably wine names.  
don't ask them why  
the boss is probably some kind of wine fanatic  
(or they just thought it would sound cool)

they are masters of disguise.  
well, some of them, anyway

it's a small world.  
the people your mother knows and the people your allies know and the strangers that your friends met on the street are all connected.

because, plot.

I think there was another car actually  
\- mmyeah -  
doesn't matter  
that black Porsche has most of the spotlight.

also

murders.

the big bad organization has a goal  
and that goal likely involves casualties

lots and lots of casualties

which means murders.

which means... honey, the detective show's on at 8. Get me the popcorn.

if you ever see any suspicious people that are wearing all black  
(yeah that's why they're called the big black organization)  
then these are some smart options:  
1\. run  
2\. follow them discreetly, but always watch your back  
3\. chase - but only chase if it's by car and skateboard.

but really, just chase them

it's not like you're gonna die

and fail

and ruin your friends' lives

plot's always watching your back.

you've captured a BO member.

hooray! time to have some coffee and - where's the popcorn?

you found out a secret about BO.

hooray! time to go hide in a hole so that they don't figure out that it was you all along.

hand them over to the FBI, because the FBI will probably trust a seven year old kid who managed to drag a thirty year old woman to them inconspicuously, much less shoot them with a sleeping dart.

yeah, they'll believe ya.

the FBI is trustable. oh yeah, they are.

**my god they're so good I freaking ****_love _****Jodie**

**I'm happy**

**because**

**duh, reviews!**

**thank you for reading**

**I'll see you next time**

**I guess**


	8. how to be Sera

you're this mysterious wannabe teenage detective that looks like the opposite gender but really isn't? how to be Sera Masumi, lessons from Conan:

be mysterious.  
drop hints here and there that aren't too obvious  
don't reveal too much  
to the unnecessary level

no one can be too mysterious.

the thing that bugs me the most about Sera  
is that she obviously knows about Conan  
but

she has this past

Her personality is kinda  
confident  
boyish...? (they described her like that but I'm not sure why)  
wants to have bigger breasts

in which she has none

and also, that mysterious girl that lives with Sera.

what the crap, Sera? you're playing around with plot?

Sera's basically like the main character  
that we never had :3

**this chapter turned into a kinda-rant, didn't it?**

**'M sorry.**

**I'll do better next time.**

**Sera's my favorite character though**


	9. in the case of other teenage detectives

**if you read the title**

**that was a joke**

**you know**

**in the "case" of other teenage detectives?**

**get it?**

**yeah, it was funny**

Because someday you'll find that you aren't the only one, lessons from Conan:

first of all.

since plot  
you'll probably meet them  
all of the teenage detectives in Japan

because all the teenage detectives in Japan  
are going to be walking around  
you know  
a lot.

there are a lot of teenage detectives.

but they're all going to be worse detectives than you  
since you're the main character

and you're the best.

all the detectives  
are good guys.  
don't worry.

they make good allies.

but make sure they don't find out about you  
you know  
the fact that you've been shrunken

and if they do find out that you've shrunk  
(teenager detectives. creative enough to believe that someone can become younger but logical enough to reason it.)  
then admit that you've become shrunk  
because then - as I said before - they'll be smart enough to help you.

these detectives are not your rivals.  
they're your allies  
treat them like rivals though

**hi, Detective Cat.**

**s/he's the one who recommended this idea.**

**thanks.**

**it's 3 AM...**


	10. choosing an alias

because if you're going to be this super secret vigilante detective kid, you've got to have a super secret vigilante identity - lessons from Conan:

name:

first think about your personality:  
what kind of books you like?  
what kind of things you do?  
what kind of things you like?

and also think about the person you're hiding them from  
because if you're hiding it from your girlfriend, better choose a name that isn't too close to your original name

also make sure your name is of your origin country  
if you're from London, you wouldn't choose a Chinese name  
unless you're of Chinese descent

and to top it all off, make sure your name is really unique  
because  
you know  
you _really _want to stand out  
and make sure that super secret vigilante organization that shrunk you knows that someone's after them  
a kid's after them

and if you're running out of time, pick two books on your shelf and and take the authors' names and smash them together.  
bam  
you got your name.

appearance:

be Superman.  
slap some glasses on.

if that's too simple for you, these are some options:  
wear a hat.  
sunglasses.  
change your hairstyle.  
wear contacts.  
change your phone.  
change your dressing style.  
wear something you'd never wear to your grave (this might take a little effort)

I think the best option of all time  
are the glasses

**(because if your girlfriend manages to find out that your glasses don't make her blurry - we're all waiting for that plot change, Conan.)**


End file.
